joke of the day

Guy is in San Francisco on business wants to bring home a gift for his wife... She loves doorstops...so he looks in Chinatown... In a little shop he finds a large brass rat with glowing red eyes and thinks "that will make a great dorstop for her collection"...he asks how much? The old man behind the counter says $300...The guy says $300 that's outrageous! The old man calmly responds "well it's actually $50 for the rat and $250 for the story". The guy says, to heck with the story, pays $50 and leaves with the rat. As he is walking to the hotel he hears something and looks back to see a dozen rats following him... Freaked a bit he starts walking faster...hearing more noise he turns around to see hundreds of rats now following him... Really freaked he begins to run, hearing even louder noises he looks back to see thousands of rats clawing over each other trying to catch him... Totally freaked now he runs as fast as he can and hurls the brass rat into the bay...amazingly the thousands of rats jump in after it drowning them all... So he goes back to the shop breathless and the old man grins and says "Now I bet you ready to get the story"... The guy says "heck no...what I want to know is if you have a brass lawyer"

I went into Barnes and Noble today. Asked the clerk where the "Self Help" section was. She answered " If I told you that would kinda defeat the purpose now wouldn't it!"

A horse walks into a bar for a drink. The bartender says, Hey buddy why the long face?

A family of cannibals is eating supper, and the one brother turns to the other, and says " I hate my sister". The other brother looks at him, and says " Leave her alone,,,,,,,,,,,,,and just eat your noodles"

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded,"Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them in to a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Fina lly the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out. The father said quietly to his son... "Go get your mother."

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety

A wee TEXAN boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in the school play. 'Wonderful. What part is it?' she asks The boy says, 'I play the part of the Texan husband. The mother scowls and says, 'Go back an' tell that teacher you want a speaking part!

Texas men get the "point home" without having to say a word.

All action no talk!

did ya know...If ella fitzgerald married darth vader she'd be..........Ella Vader their relationship would have a lot of ups and downs 1st son would be named otis

This looks like a parking lot i laid out a few years back where the customer wanted 7' wide spaces to maximize parking. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5505757870836195…

Now that's a good one...looks like some of the people around here...maybe it should be saved by everybody who has a customer that insists on cramming in that extra few stalls