joke of the day

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Brunette goes to the doctor and tells him something is terribly wrong me. What is it the doctor replies. She said, everywhere I touch myself it really hurts. She touched her head with her finger(ouch!) she touched her knee (ouch!) she touched her elbow (ouch!). The doctor says you've dyed your hair haven't you? Yes she replied it used to be blond. That explains everything. Your finger is broke.

What's 14 inches long and has an a##hole behind it? A Lawyer's necktie!!!!!

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A magician walks down the street and suddenly turns into a restaurant.

Joke of the Day.... Don's Young!

Well my wife told me the other day I have the mind of an 18 year old...guess I am old never figured out what she meant, fell asleep before I could think about it

Don wrote on Apr 24, 2006:Go to #8

Well my wife told me the other day I have the mind of an 18 year old...guess I am old never figured out what she meant, fell asleep before I could think about it

Don, does that mean you think about...shall we say the fairer sex a lot? thats what most 18 yr olds think about most of the time after all! on the same subject - I told my wife I was gonna trade her in on 2 20 yr olds when she turned 40. Nah, she says - your old wiring aint rated for 220 - you'd blow up or something!

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

A man complains, "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That's the Tom Jones Syndrome," explains the doc. "Is it common?" asks the man. "It's Not Unusual," says the doc.

Two cows are standing in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

I went into a gas station this morning and told the lady I needed $5.00 dollars worth of gas. She farted and gave me a receipt.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at, either.

I doubled the price of my truck today, I filled up the gas tank.

I went to the butcher's and wanted to bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "DAM!"

This is a true story & will make you think about history & how it affects the world.. Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo. Payback Lotmarker!

I LOVE IT.....

Dog walks in a bar and yells...I'm look'n for the guy who shot my Paw